


Not Gir

by somethingscarlet13



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Dogs, Fluff, Gen, Mistaken Identity, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 19:16:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15825240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethingscarlet13/pseuds/somethingscarlet13
Summary: When Zim looses Gir, he goes to the pound to find him again. The only thing is, the dog he picked up might just be a regular dog.





	Not Gir

Gir was gone.

 

Not his normal gone, where he would wander off and then eventually wander back home, but worryingly gone. Gone too long gone. The-humans-might-have-found-them gone. 

 

Not that Zim was panicking or anything. If the little Irken was anything, he was frustrated and annoyed. He needed Gir to help him in the lab! But after searching everywhere, Zim concluded that his “dog” was nowhere to be found. 

 

What would a human do if their pet went missing? Cry and scream? Zim had already done that. Go out and look for it? That seemed like a good idea. So, donning his disguise, Zim set out.

 

“Gir!” he shouted as he began walking down the street. “Gir, if you come back now, I promise I won’t punish you too severely for running off!” He wandered for a bit longer, shouting his robots name, but to no avail.

 

Well, he had officially lost Gir. The only thing to do now was go back home and call the Tallest to ask for a replaceme--- “Excuse me little boy, but I couldn’t help but notice that you seem a little lost.” A little old lady interrupted Zims thoughts. “Do you need any help?”

 

“As a matter of fact, I do,” replied Zim. “I’m a perfectly normal human boy who has lost my perfectly normal human dog. His name is Gir. He’s about yay big--” Here he held up his hand to indicate Gir’s height -- “And entirely incompetent.”

 

“Have you tried the pound?” asked the old lady. 

 

“Pound?”

 

“Yes dearie, that’s where dogs that run away get put until their owners come and get them.”

 

“The pound! Yes! That’s it!” And without so much as a thank you, Zim set off.

 

**************

 

“So you’re missing your doggie, are you?” said the man behind the front desk at the pound. 

 

“Yup. That’s me. A totally normal boy looking for his totally normal missing dog.”

 

“Alright,” sighed the man as he stood up and retrieved a set of keys from his belt. “Come on back with me and we’ll see if he’s here.”

 

The man lead Zim back to rows and rows of cages full of different kinds of dogs. “Go ahead and have a look.”

 

Zim began down the first row of cages. The first dog he passed was tiny with big ears and a trembling body. Not Gir. The second dog was big and loud and drooled everywhere. Not Gir. The third dog was white and so fluffy you couldn’t see its eyes. Not Gir. The next dog was the wrong color, the dog after that had the wrong tail, and the one after that had the wrong ears. Zim searched up and down each row, but none of the dogs were---

 

“Gir!”

 

The third to last dog was the perfect color, perfect shape, perfect size, and when Zim had said his name the dog had sat up and began wagging its tail. “I found my dog!” Zim called to the man still standing at the front of the room, who came over and unlocked the cage. The dog bounded out and began covering Zim’s face in kisses. 

 

“Gir! Gir! What are you doing?! Get off!” Zim shouted and struggled in pushing the big hairy body off him. The dog obliged and sat down instead, its tail still thumping against the ground. 

 

“Glad you found your dog, kid,” said the man. “Now all you have to do is sign some paper confirming he’s yours and you’re free to go.”

 

Paperwork? Was this some sort of human plot to catch him in his mission to rule Earth? Zim didn’t do paperwork! He was an invader of the Irken Empire!

 

So when the man gave him the papers, he fed them to Gir and ran.

 

*************

 

Back at home, Zim and Gir made their way to Zim’s layer, Gir sniffing everything in sight with curiosity. When the two made their way to Zim’s layer, Gir ran off and Zim busied himself with his work. Time passed without incident, until Gir came trotting up with one of Zims tools in his mouth. 

 

“No, Gir, I don’t need that right now,” Zim told him without looking up.

 

Gir barked.

 

“Not now, Gir.” Again, Zim didn’t look up from what he was doing. 

 

Gir barked a second time.

 

“No, Gir,” Zim told him sternly. “Now go put that back.” And with that he tossed it towards his assistant. 

 

Tail wagging, Gir ran after the tool, picked it up in his mouth, and returned to Zim a second time. 

 

Zim just stared at him. 

 

Upon getting no reply, Gir whined and lay his head on Zim’s lap. 

 

Zim sighed. “Gir,” he told the dog, “I said to go put this back.” He took the tool from the dog's mouth and made a going away gesture. The dog removed its head from Zim’s lap, sitting up straight in anticipation. 

 

“What?” asked Zim. “What do you want?” When Gir didn’t reply, Zim got up and put the tool away himself. Gir had been acting strangely ever since Zim had picked him up at the pound. Perhaps there was something wrong with his wiring? If this strange behavior kept up, Zim would have to open him up to check. 

 

The Irken was jolted out of his thoughts by a series of loud, agressive barks. It was Gir, his hackles raised and teeth barred as he barked at something on Zim’s security screen. It was Dib, once again trying to break into the Irken’s house to gather evidence to prove to the world that Zim was not, in fact, human. 

 

“Come on, Gir,” Zim said to the dog. “Let’s go take care of this.” The two went back up to the house part of Zim’s home, Gir immediately running to the door and barking again. 

 

“Alright, alright!” Zim cried, and opened the front door. Gir bolted down the front lawn, tackling Dib to the ground and growling in his face, awaiting orders. 

 

Zim lit up. “Yes! Yes Gir! That’s it, destroy the disgusting Earth pig Dib!”

 

Dib, attempting desperately to push the dog off, shouted to Zim, “You stupid alien, this isn’t your dumb robot!”

 

Zim narrowed his eyes. “Yes it is!”

 

Still trying to get the angry dog off of him, Dib shook his head. “No it’s not! This is a real dog!”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” replied Zim. “Gir is one-hundred-percent a totally real, normal dog.”

 

Dib screamed as the dog bit at him. “No, he’s not!” the boy shouted at the alien. “Your stupid dog is just a robot in a costume! This is a real, actual dog!” Then he added, panicked, “And please, please, call him off! I’ll leave you alone if you just call him off! Please!”

 

“Gir!” called Zim, and the dog bounded over to his side, Dib running off as soon as the dog was off of him. 

 

“That dumb human doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Zim told Gir. “Of course you’re the right---”

 

“You  _ replaced _ me?!”

 

Gir looked up to see Gir, the  _ real _ Gir, standing at the front of the lawn, lollipop in hand and a very hurt look on his little robotic face.

 

Oh.

 

Maybe the Dib human had been right after all. 

 

****************

 

After a very long, exasperated explanation, things were relatively back to normal. The only thing to do now was get rid of the Not Gir.  

 

Instead of going back to the pound, Zim had better, more important things to do than go return a stupid Not Gir, Zim was trying to get the dog to leave of his own accord. 

 

“Shoo!” He cried, making a shooing motion. “Go! I’ve found my real Gir, so I don’t need you anymore!”

 

The dog looked at him sadly, it’s big brown eyes sparkling. 

 

“Your intimidation tactics won’t work on me, Not Gir! Even that adorable look isn’t enough to make me want you around.”

 

The dog whined and layed down, resting its head on its front paws, it’s hurt look not wavering for a second. Zim was starting to feel bad. “Stop it,” he shakily told the dog.

 

Not Gir rolled over onto his back, exposing his belly. His tongue rolled out of his mouth and he wiggled around, wanting belly rubs. 

 

Zim finally broke.

 

“Fine! You can stay. I suppose it will do real Gir some good to have a playmate, and you did take care of Dib in a very effective manor.” He opened the front door to his house. “Welcome home, Not Gir.”

 

The dog, tail wagging so fast even his butt was wiggling, leapt inside and began covering Zim’s face in kisses like he had when they first met. This time, however, Zim found that he didn’t mind it all that much. 

 

Maybe having a real dog wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Zim ended up naming the dog Not Gir.


End file.
